6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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