meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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