at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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