I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
