need another drink. this is the easiest way
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
