Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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