So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
