Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
