So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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