Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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