I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
