The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
