just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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