Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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