this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
