Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
