i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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