Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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