I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
