I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You are the jesus of drinking
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
