Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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