what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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