I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
