Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
