Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
