Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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