I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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