if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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