Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
