I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she peed on how many people?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
