Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
