If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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