Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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