we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just threw up on my dentist
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
