tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
