Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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