i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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