I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
