I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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