I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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