we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
