do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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