Dual....:-)
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
