i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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