Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
