If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
