Betty ford says i'm here all night
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
