Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
