Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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