can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
