Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
