Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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