why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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