If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
