It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
